2014 was an extreme year. It was full of the lowest lows and the highest highs. I went through a constant state of anxiety and the stress was almost too hard to handle. I lost a loved one. There was tons of family drama. I also wanted to quit my full time job but the thought made me feel even more lost and anxious because it was the only steady thing in my life. Have you ever felt so overwhelmed that you know you need to make a change but can't bring yourself to do it? That's how I felt. I work for the California Department of Public Health and oversee the Contracts and Administration Unit. We dealt with everything emergency related, from H1N1, to the California drought, fires, the Napa earthquake, the infamous Norcal #hellastorm, to then the Ebola activation. (Btw, only in California do you have severe drought then severe flooding lol.) Anyways, my job made me feel important, yet I hated it all at the same time. It's difficult to explain and express what I was feeling because I didn't even know what I was feeling being so overwhelmed.
Then, mixed in with all my lows were some extreme highs. Highs also come with a different kind of stress. It's exciting, stressful and tiring all at the same time. All my best friends got married this year. My girlfriends are like my sisters and we love each other so much that everything wedding related had to be EPIC. From the engagements, to the parties, showers, bachelorette parties, to the actual weddings....all was fun and exciting but add that with the other stuff going on in my life, I became overwhelmed. I bought my first house this year too. A super high for me but buying a house is soooo stressful too. Looks so freaking easy on HGTV and I actually have a real estate license but even understanding what was going on was still so hard and unpredictable. I was also blessed to travel A TON this year. Then, to end the crazy year with my highest high in my life, I got married. Planning the wedding through all the ups and downs was the toughest thing I had to do. LIFE was just sooo crazy. I didn't get my dress completely made til the Thursday of my wedding! We were anxious all the way up til the wedding date since it was supposed to rain and we were having an outside wedding. Although it was so stressful, everything eventually fell into place and it really was the best day of my life. The day went by so fast and I really really wish I took a moment to really take it all in. The funniest thing was that so many things also went wrong during our wedding but I didn't even notice. I'll have to share that on another post along with the beautiful pictures my awesome photographer, Augie Chang took :) Anyways, at that point all I realized was what was most important. I married my best friend and my soul mate.
This picture symbolizes so much for me. I always try to finding beauty and meaning to things and my cousin happened to capture this beautiful candid shot (on an iphone, duh, of course lol) during the release of our wishing lanterns (btw we almost burnt down the mansion-will need to share on another post!) It was so dark that night, but the glowing light from our wishing lantern and the wishes and hopes we made for it meant everything to me.
This year I hope for stability. I also want to get back to my old self and do the things I WANT to do. I want to feel confident again and be happy. It's been so long since I've written a post and it feels so liberating just to vent. I know I hold in too much, worry too much and care about what others think too much. This year, I am going to take care of myself. This year will be my happy year.
xoxo,
Enid
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